You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
