One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
