What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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