I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
