So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
