I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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