can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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