The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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