Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
