You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
