the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
