Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
