She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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