God, you're like boner-b-gone
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
