how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
