I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
