i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
