he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
