I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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