I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
