she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
