so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize