Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
