Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
