I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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