Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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