btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Randomize
