dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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