dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
