I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
