never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
