i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
