drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
