I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
