Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
