this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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