he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My breasts were aching with rage.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
