But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
