it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize