so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
