So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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