OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
