Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
