Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
