we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
