Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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