I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize