Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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