Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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