I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
