We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
