I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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