Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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