Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
