listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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