pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
