You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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