If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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