And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
