Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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