i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
