call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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