You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
