Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize