i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
