Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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