I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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