Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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