My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
