so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
