If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
