What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
