I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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