guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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