I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There are leaves in my underwear?
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