Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
