I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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