Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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