All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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