I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
