I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize