I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a search helicopter?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
