he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
