He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize