People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
