i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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