The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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