thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
