Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
