I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
