we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
