So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
