K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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